From my newsletter July 2, 2022
I’m in the middle of a new book where the issue of trust keeps popping up. As I write, I think of the many, many times I’ve trusted people when I shouldn’t have.
I’m not pleading innocent here. I’m sure I’ve let people down more times than I’d care to admit. But I hope I’ve never put anyone’s life at risk.
Years ago, when I was a freshly certified scuba diver, a senior diver invited me to do a beach dive with him.
I said, “Sure.”
We went to a remote site, geared up, and waded into the water. I let him navigate because, after all, he was so experienced. When our air ran low, he indicated we should surface to start to snorkel back to shore.
I followed his ascent only to discover that he’d made a mistake. We weren’t in the middle of the protected cove where we'd started. We were at the mouth of it, and a strong ebbing tide was pulling us toward open sea. I tried not to panic but I hadn’t given our dive plan to anyone and, as far as I knew, neither had he. It was just the two of us in a hidden cove. The sun had set and night was falling.
Worse than that, we were about thirty feet from the rocky outcrop that marked the edge of the cove. Weighed down with eighty pounds of scuba gear, to me it looked like miles away.
My dive buddy opened the goody bag attached to his gear belt and handed me one of its thin straps.
"Hang on to this,” he said and started swimming toward the rocky outcrop.
I grabbed the ropey strap and followed. I swam with every scrap of strength I could muster.
Cut to the finish: we made it to the rocks and slowly edged our way back into the calmer waters of the cove. Finally, I stumbled onto the beach and sat for five or ten minutes, until there was enough air in my lungs to speak.
When I thanked him for the strap, he laughed. “That wouldn’t have saved a kid. I just didn’t want you to panic,” he said.
I’d like to say that was the last time I ever went diving with him. It wasn’t. I had one more scary experience with him before I decided he was bad news and the only person I could trust underwater was myself.
Fast forward a few months: I met my husband when we were both diving at that same cove. For the longest time, I let him lead our dives but I always double checked the navigation when we were underwater. After a few dives, I accepted that he knew what he was doing. More than that, he was watching me and my air supply and keeping us both safe.
Those contrasting experiences reinforced these perpetual life experiences:
1. People will always betray and disappoint us. 💔
2. Sometimes we find something symbolic, like a piece of string, to hold onto as we find our way to safety. The smallest things can help us save ourselves, from the neglect or indifference of others.
AND
3. Love and trust are evergreen. 💖 Even after long droughts, a true friend or lover can appear in our lives when we least expect them. We can learn to trust again.
If you know my books, you probably recognize these themes. I hope they resonate with you.
Back to my initial questions then: when and how have you been betrayed? How did you recover or have you? What did you learn?
